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[Mar. 7th, 2009|08:11 pm] |
once loved
now forgotten |
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| I can't sleep, so I will endlessly type in my livejournal until I get bored or tired. . . |
[Jan. 10th, 2009|03:57 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | They'll say you'll lose your nerve soon To claim identity | ] |
Well I guess it's late too introduce the new year to you since I posted a couple of updates already. The good news is that I'm going to Australia this month. I want to be out of here as soon as my passport arrives! I am so excited for this. I've never been on a plane before, so that should be an interesting experience(theplaneride). I know once I'm with Brian I'll feel whole again.
Arielle's uncle was making think alot about the plane ride though, like if I could endure sitting down for more than ten hours on a plane. I totally forgot how I usually have a constant urge to run up and down the stairs because I can't sit still. I think I can handle it though. I'll just not sleep and have some naps on the plane.
I can not believe I have lived a whole year with Brian in my life already. I've been thinking about it for a long today. And as excited as I am, I'm just a tiny bit scared .__. I just want everything to work out perfectly. I just want to be with Brian. I love him so much, words could not fully describe how much he means to me. A year feels like forever, but passing years feels like forever to. I just hope that he doesn't get tired of me. I hate to think about old memories, but I just hope the same thing doesn't happen to me again. =\ I really love Brian so much -___- I just want to be able to see him everyday and be able to look into his amazing eyes.
I really hate sleepless nights with a passion, I don't know what is going on with me, but I just can't find it in me to fall asleep. Counting sheep does not help, nor does any other remedy recommended by ...anyone. so out of terrible bad habit, I snooped around the internet, I'll give my self credit for being clever and leave this paragraph topic at that.
typing typing typing...
so I've actually been typing on and off for about an hour now. I'm starting to get sleepy.
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| Jennthepest |
[Jan. 2nd, 2009|01:06 pm] |
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I feel like im ruining everyones lives. Im stressed. I feel like im ruining my dads vacation. I feel like im ruining brians life. I feel like im killing my mum. I currantly unhappy. I feel like I have no one to talk to. I mean its not like I can tell brian how I feel directly -___- I mean its not like he himself is making me unhappy, just everything going on around me is. I feel alone here :\ I feel like I don't have any friends... I want to break down right now. I just feel so horrible inside. I need brian now pls ;__; |
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| flies |
[Dec. 31st, 2008|09:02 pm] |
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[Dec. 29th, 2008|12:18 am] |
I really like this picture.
I want to do this. |
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| :3 |
[Dec. 19th, 2008|05:06 pm] |
I made this:
I hate this:
I walked in this:
I walk in these:
THE BOX:
I use to put baby spiders in the green velvety compartment
Some things in the box:
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| ugh!fuckthisssss!!!! |
[Dec. 19th, 2008|03:03 pm] |
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jennifermarie01 doesnt work either -____-shootmeshootmeeeenow! i am so stressed out right now. i want to cry |
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| I am so sick |
[Dec. 19th, 2008|02:56 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  stressed | ] |
of all my passwords not fucking working. D: WHAT THE FUCK?!?!!?!
-____- so serious.
I am trying to figure out this college applicant bulllshasha and like I can't listen to my music on myspace because my password doesn't work and the password for that email doesn't work. I'm so effing frustrated!!! and I'm trying to print out Something that looks like an application, but there is no fucking paper!!!!!!!! I am a fucking wreck right now, and my mum has gone koo-koo my dad isn't home, and I can't stand the christmas music that is playing, and I can't get into my myspace account!!! and I just want to get into my email for it...and I cant!!!! shoot me!!!!
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| There is so much snow :/ |
[Dec. 17th, 2008|08:27 pm] |
I couldn't help but to drive up to the snow, and I knew Nadine was like the only person who was up to going for the day, so I asked her if she would come with me up to the mountains. I've never driven in the snow before and at first it wasn't so scary. There was sooooo much snow on sierra, it was mind boggaling. I didn't even drive all the way up the mountain and I didn't have to because there was just so much snow coming down right after I parked my car on the side of the road. Driving down the mountain was scary, I had to drive really slow. At one point my car started to swirve because I stepped on the break alittle hard... I was just like... umm... This is really scary as the car was just doing its own thing. I thought I was going to run into the car coming towards us on the other lane. I want snow chains for the car now.
theres not a second that goes by that I dont think about you :\ |
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| I got a text message saying: |
[Dec. 16th, 2008|11:29 pm] |
"Never give up on the someone you can't go a day without thinking about"
and I thought.....what a tragic coincidence |
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[Dec. 11th, 2008|12:29 am] |
I'm confused and hurt..
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| outside my window |
[Dec. 5th, 2008|09:39 pm] |
Im sitting on the roof of my house. I can't take ... anymore of anything or anyone. Being up here makes me feel invisible. Its freezin; its nice though, at least I don't have to listen to my mums bullshit. My mum is such a bitch I swear to god. I hate myself so much, and I hate her even more. I was planning on talking to my dad today about going to college in aus, but my mum was fighting with him and then trying to get me into the fight...I said I was tired of her stupid, pointless, unintelligent conversations, then she got pissed off and said,"I have an intelligent conversation.. Did jenn tell you she wants to go to college in australia?" my heart fell into the pit of my stomach, and my dad said nothing. My mum continued to bitch and bitch at my dad and then she told me to sit on the couch ...I was too mad to look at her and so she started yelling at me more.. I said whatever and locked myself in my bathroom for awhile...then I went outside my window. There is so much anger built up inside me right now, I want to break something, I want to yell, and stop feeling the way I do. I want to be jennifer for a bit I want a break from being miserable and so let down. I can hear my mum talk to my dad about me. I wish I could just pass out....for just awhile... and not be able to wake up.
I guess sitting up here is as good as not existing. . .I am definitely not responding to my parents if call me... even though I am freezing my ass off.
There are comfier spot on the roof. Like below my window thing but I need to get a towel or something..and I don't wanna go back in. I wish I had music on my phone.. I wishhhhh I was with brian right now instead of sitting miserably outside my bedroom window. Im starting to shiver now. Its awful. My feet are cold because I don't haave any socks on.
I wonder how long it will take anyone to find out im out here. Its so stupid, I always thing about how I could have probably offed myself and they wouldn't find out untill its too late. They're so stupid. there's a car shining its headlights at me.. Stupid people.
I neeeed socksss.
Typing to myself is getting boring, but moving my fingers is like the only thing keeping me warm. I fricken hate this neighborhoood, even though nobody is outside, I feel like everyone can see me up here..sort of..
Im going to stop now |
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| I'll just play debussy and cry like someone just died |
[Dec. 5th, 2008|02:59 am] |
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I don't know how many more nights I can survive knowing I won't be able to see Brian the next day. I feel sick to my stomach right now. I can't sleep. I'm upset. I want to run away and be forgotten. There was a moment where I couldn't keep my eyes open to cry. I feel like I'm caught in a web, I feel broken, unhappy where I am, alone, bored, and miserable. I just want to fucking die right now. I feel like I've never cried so much in my life. |
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bunnyunlaced's journal
